Fix Airport Security

Ever since September 11, 2001 airport security has become a priority for the United States government, they have installed many new devices to detect dangerous items; bombs, knives, guns, shampoo, lighters, and Play-doh. These new devices include bomb sniffers (Barringer Ionscan 400B), drug sensors (Barringer Ionscan 400B), body scanners (Rapiscan Secure 1000), and various types of metal detectors. It’s well known that none of these new devices really work against a determined terrorist. On many occasions the FBI has sent an agent to an airport and tested the security, in every occasion the agent was able to sneak a prohibited item on the plane. Since we all know that all this security only stops idiots, I have another approach to security. In the television show All in the Family, Archie Bunker proposed a bold new take on security; he said that "you could end sky-jacking tomorrow by arming all the passengers. The airline would hand out guns at the beginning of the flight, then collect them all when they land". The idea is actually pretty reasonable; think about it, a terrorist with a gun wouldn’t hijack a plane when all its passengers armed. Also if a passenger is offered a gun and replies “No thanks I’ve got my own” then you know he’s a terrorist and you arrest him, its one way to trick the terrorists. Another way to prevent hijackings is to prohibit clothing on airplanes. If everybody is naked, nobody can hide anything dangerous; I’d doubt a terrorist would stick a knife or gun up his behind. So there you have it two brand new ingenious ideas both being considerably cheaper than current securities, hijacking is just that easy to prevent.

If you’re a minority and are sick and tired of being frisked when going through the airport, then solution is simple. We all know that it’s not a myth that white people don’t get stopped in airports, hell half the time they don’t even have to go through security. The solution is dye; all you have to do is dye your skin as white as possible, and BAM no more frisking or cavity searches; its fool proof.